Pondering on mindfully
Today the world is looking radiant again! The sun is shining, I got a wonderful email and more importantly the peace inside me has been restored again. I feel empowered once more and all of this being the result of putting my thoughts to paper and pondering on this.
The last couple of days were a big struggle for me, because of confrontations, even coming to a point I really did not want to know if there were anymore emails in my inbox with confrontational messages, so I looked at my inbox very cautiously. No such thing fortunately. Everything remained calm and quiet and now I’ve found myself all happy and confident again.
Let’s be clear about one thing: neither my confidence nor my self-esteem were lacking. I just wasn’t willing to be unprepared for any more confrontations. Normally I do not mind, but even a girl like me has her limits from time to time. Today however I read this wonderful message:
“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex; people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes and dreams… that’s being naked.”
To me it says it all.
The last couple of days I became aware – after talking to a number of people – that I’m one of these people that hardly share my true inner thoughts. If I were to do so, than I’ll be doing it in writing, but talking about my inner feelings is very hard for me to do.
Most people however dislike writing, since it takes them lots and lots of effort, so they’d rather talk instead of write. This sometimes gives sort of a conflict, since they expect me to tell them all about what’s going on inside of me and next I don’t. So those who really want to get to know me, should actually be reading my blog posts and my responses on other blogs. Please not that I do not expect this of anyone, ever. After all it’s my choice to share whatever it is I want and also my responsibility to do this in the appropriate manner when it comes to the people I love.
While typing this, I’m aware that this is easier said than done. I know it’s true what I’ve just written down and still I have a hard time applying this. There are moments I like to share things, for instance by phone, but this does require time and patience on the other side of the line. Next I may come face to face with people and not be in the mood to share anything, besides smiles and hugs and “easy” talk. The need for sharing the information simply isn’t there at this moment.
Recently I saw this video of a girl who has autism. What struck me is that she cannot speak, but she has so much to tell about what going’s on in her mind and she does so by typing. Somehow I could (and still can) relate to this. Whenever typing, all these thoughts can go straight to (electronic) paper without any disturbance. I can choose whenever I want to type and moreover I can type when I need to get things off my chest or better when I need to unload that mind.
Writing however also gives me the chance to reflect on things. I’ve noticed so when exchanging things on other people’s blogs. At first I want to get into a certain defense, until I notice I’m ending up with the same conclusion they already had stated. It’s an interesting process to notice this and when becoming aware I automatically adjust my response to a more appropriate one.
By doing so a number of times now I’ve become aware of the importance to me to keep reflecting on things, thoughts, views by taking a statement from someone else and then just let it “move” around in my mind, sort of like tasting it and getting to discover all aspects it might contain. Now I know some people will now say I still will miss the most important aspects or straight away dismiss them and this probably is very true. I might miss something or not be aware of it, but take the chance to explain it (anew) to me and I will “taste” it again and ponder on it. Needless to say that I therefore truly appreciate those who take the time to explain things a little (or a lot) more clearly to me, even when they have already done so before, because they suspect I might not have understood it in it’s entirety. It being a statement, a thought process, you name it and it can be applied.
Today however the sun is shining, not just outside, but also in my heart and in my mind. It enlightens my mind and it empowers me, also to a point I like to share this with others. I’m going to bring a smile to the world in a bit by going outside. And just maybe this story will bring a radiant smile to your heart as well!
Pondering on things or chewing on them, while tasting it, is actually like being in the now (as in mindfulness). It’s not about the past or the future, it’s becoming aware of something right now and giving it the appropriate amount of attention. Just give it a try and see if you like it!