Pondering on mindfully

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Pondering on mindfully

Today the world is looking radiant again! The sun is shining, I got a wonderful email and more importantly the peace inside me has been restored again. I feel empowered once more and all of this being the result of putting my thoughts to paper and pondering on this.

The last couple of days were a big struggle for me, because of confrontations, even coming to a point I really did not want to know if there were anymore emails in my inbox with confrontational messages, so I looked at my inbox very cautiously. No such thing fortunately. Everything remained calm and quiet and now I’ve found myself all happy and confident again.

Let’s be clear about one thing: neither my confidence nor my self-esteem were lacking. I just wasn’t willing to be unprepared for any more confrontations. Normally I do not mind, but even a girl like me has her limits from time to time. Today however I read this wonderful message:

“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex; people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes and dreams… that’s being naked.”

To me it says it all.

The last couple of days I became aware – after talking to a number of people – that I’m one of these people that hardly share my true inner thoughts. If I were to do so, than I’ll be doing it in writing, but talking about my inner feelings is very hard for me to do.

Most people however dislike writing, since it takes them lots and lots of effort, so they’d rather talk instead of write. This sometimes gives sort of a conflict, since they expect me to tell them all about what’s going on inside of me and next I don’t. So those who really want to get to know me, should actually be reading my blog posts and my responses on other blogs. Please not that I do not expect this of anyone, ever. After all it’s my choice to share whatever it is I want and also my responsibility to do this in the appropriate manner when it comes to the people I love.

While typing this, I’m aware that this is easier said than done. I know it’s true what I’ve just written down and still I have a hard time applying this. There are moments I like to share things, for instance by phone, but this does require time and patience on the other side of the line. Next I may come face to face with people and not be in the mood to share anything, besides smiles and hugs and “easy” talk. The need for sharing the information simply isn’t there at this moment.

Recently I saw this video of a girl who has autism. What struck me is that she cannot speak, but she has so much to tell about what going’s on in her mind and she does so by typing. Somehow I could (and still can) relate to this. Whenever typing, all these thoughts can go straight to (electronic) paper without any disturbance. I can choose whenever I want to type and moreover I can type when I need to get things off my chest or better when I need to unload that mind.

Writing however also gives me the chance to reflect on things. I’ve noticed so when exchanging things on other people’s blogs. At first I want to get into a certain defense, until I notice I’m ending up with the same conclusion they already had stated. It’s an interesting process to notice this and when becoming aware I automatically adjust my response to a more appropriate one.

By doing so a number of times now I’ve become aware of the importance to me to keep reflecting on things, thoughts, views by taking a statement from someone else and then just let it “move” around in my mind, sort of like tasting it and getting to discover all aspects it might contain. Now I know some people will now say I still will miss the most important aspects or straight away dismiss them and this probably is very true. I might miss something or not be aware of it, but take the chance to explain it (anew) to me and I will “taste” it again and ponder on it. Needless to say that I therefore truly appreciate those who take the time to explain things a little (or a lot) more clearly to me, even when they have already done so before, because they suspect I might not have understood it in it’s entirety. It being a statement, a thought process, you name it and it can be applied.

Today however the sun is shining, not just outside, but also in my heart and in my mind. It enlightens my mind and it empowers me, also to a point I like to share this with others. I’m going to bring a smile to the world in a bit by going outside. And just maybe this story will bring a radiant smile to your heart as well!

Pondering on things or chewing on them, while tasting it, is actually like being in the now (as in mindfulness). It’s not about the past or the future, it’s becoming aware of something right now and giving it the appropriate amount of attention. Just give it a try and see if you like it!



Manual before entering Marriage

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Manual before entering Marriage

I love to read certain stories, especially when knowing who’s behind the tale and what certain views are leading to discussions and specifically being good food for thought. Yesterday I got to read a piece on “Soul mates”, which BTW was inspired by another medium for this writer and today while walking around in the kitchen a story came to mind: All marriages should come with a manual, starting with a warning.



Beware! Before entering this marriage, know that you are about to engage with damaged goods. You might think you’re going for a snugly round hole / snugly round fit, however you might be unpleasantly surprised to find out there are actually pointy edges making it impossible to fit this snugly round hole.

If you do however enter this marriage be aware that the pointy edges, hooks and not-so-rounded corners may exist on both shapes, being the snugly round hole and the snugly fit for this snugly round hole. It may even happen that both edges, flat and/or sharp sides may occur at the same location, making it impossible to ever fit perfectly.

So before entering this marriage, make sure you get to read the manual properly and are willing to accept any faulty parts, without the intent to ever change them on your loved one’s side.

Also beware that you might want to improve things for your loved one, healing the other person to being perfectly round again, but this might not be optional at all, since the healing can only be done by the other person. So you may think you’re up for the job, but realistically this may not be your job to begin with.

This leads to one important assignment, not having to do with the institute of “marriage”, but to the institute of “yourself”. When voluntarily entering this marriage, you agree to be working at yourself for the next coming decades, either till death do you part or till you no longer can stand yourself and/or your – once – loved one.

When agreeing to this, be aware of what this actually includes. It includes being:

  • Honest to yourself;
  • Willing to change YOURself;
  • Willing to communicate even when subjects involved might have pointy edges and appear to be treacherous.

It does NOT include:

  • Changing your loved one;
  • Changing your less (once) loved one;
  • Blaming the other for your own discomforts.

Additional warnings/instructions:

  • Environmental influences should not be taken into consideration. Every one else always knows best. This also includes warnings about not being allowed to divorce after having worked on your marriage for an extensive period of time;
  • Marriage entered in church is no guarantee for an “easy” marriage. If anything you should be warned about the consequences once the both of you have concluded this might not be working anymore. There is no church which will allow you to separate, unless you first badly beat up one another and even then there is no guarantee it will be rewarded to you;
  • The good news however is you can get married multiple times in church, even when not being allowed to divorce at all.

If you still are reading this manual right now and are willing to enter this marriage being fully aware you’ll be getting involved with damaged goods, which require you working on yourself, instead of “fixing” the other, than congratulations. You are most certainly ready for the next step.

We however do advice you to agree to a trial period first. This trial period should at least consist of six months, but is preferred to last for at least three years. During this period of time, it’s important to recognize not only your loved one’s faults, but also your faults and solutions. If after this period of time and proper evaluation on both sides you still decide to go on, you won’t be able to enter marriage lightly. It will always remain hard work, but the upside is you will always become a better person and better (future) marriage material during this period of time.



There’s only one command to follow up on:

“Be a safe harbour for your loved one, whatever you feel like, whatever your loved one feels and/or acts like.

This requires *all content* listed under “WARNING!!!” and specifically the list applying to what this includes. To make it impossible to miss, we’ll repeat it one more time, adding also the “not included” list:

When agreeing to this, be aware of what this actually includes. It includes being:

  • Honest to yourself;
  • Willing to change YOURself;
  • Willing to communicate even when subjects involved might have pointy edges and appear to be treacherous.

It does NOT include:

  • Changing your loved one;
  • Changing your less (once) loved one;
  • Blaming the other for your own discomforts.

Note: To make this marriage work you should at least read this manual once a week, preferably daily, while the marriage is still under construction / in progress.



There are no guarantees this manual will make your marriage work. Being willing to work on instructions given, however greatly increases the chances of a happy marriage while it lasts.

Good luck, be safe, be well rounded & be honest *always*!



Pushing people’s buttons – A skill or ???

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Pushing people’s buttons – A skill or ???

Though I’m not proud to admit it, I’ve got an excellent skill as both coach and counselor: I can easily push another person’s buttons. In my line of work it helps to go down the nitty gritty but in daily life, that’s a different thing. When seeing people face to face it’s usually okay, although I can list a number of people I’ve figured as a red flag to in the past when I still saw them regularly.

When talking about chatting online it’s a whole different ballgame. There are a few friends I’d rather “ignore” online than chat with, since we know we get to irritate one another big time. Others I’ve been talking to about this extensively and we know what to expect from one another. And then there are those I hardly know and who I do get to talk to regularly online (getting to know them) and occasionally I get push some buttons here as well.

For those who know me, I hate it when I make people miserable. I like to see people happy, so knowing I do so is something which makes me extremely sad. Despite not wanting to do so, it does however happen and even a little more that I’d like to. Let’s be specific, here, making one person miserable is already one too many. So this time I’ve decided not to let things escalate, but instead keep my distance. This is a rather new concept to me, however I do know when enough is enough. And let’s be honest, we cannot be (best) friends with everyone.

So why does it bother me this much? It bothers me to such a degree I’ve felt is necessary to write a blog message about it, which you are reading this very moment. In the past months I’ve experienced it helps me to get things in perspective by means of writing. Hence I’m now writing this piece about what apparently seems some sort of dilemma, while in the back of my mind I know it’s not. This may seem contradictive, but then again this has to do with feelings ó rationality.

So I know it’s okay, since the world consists of people with all different personalities and while others will match straight away, others will not. I also know it’s okay since (even though I maybe would like to be – then again maybe I do not) I’m not perfect. After all I’m human.

Going to the feelings I’d say this is a bit more complicated. And the reason for this is I like to see people happy and it’s quite obvious it’s not up to me to do so, much less even being able to do so. Why would I need to do so? ‘Cause obviously this is my need, which has nothing at all to do whatsoever with whomever is involved here. Someone recently wrote he’s got his blog (partly) as a form of therapy for himself and actually I can understand this (I say with a big smile). So back to the question of why I need the approval of everyone (‘cause when being friends there’s a certain approval involved)?

Instead of answering this one, I’m going to turn the question around. What can I do or say to myself to change this? There are a couple of solutions to deal with these kinds of convictions. I can either go back to the source (which I’ve already done, so I know what it’s all about) or I can ask myself what I get out of feeling sorry for myself since I’m not happy with myself. This all comes down to responsibility, but even more importantly, acceptance. Acceptance not by others, but acceptance by me, as in can I accept myself for who I am, even with all my imperfections?

Part of growing up is becoming aware of what one is good at and what can use some development. Then there is also that part that has to do with accepting that we cannot excel all in every skill. And we do not have to, since when lacking things, the presence of these same things are all the more appreciated when they are shown. So it’s also about the ability to gracefully take a few steps (or more) back and let other people step forward to do what they do best. And let’s be honest, when people do what they do best, they do not even have to step forward, they simple stand out and get noticed.

Question now is if I can take a step back and let things be the way they are supposed to be and this question I can honestly answer “yes, I can”. I do not have to be great or exceptional in everything I do, I can be human and with it have some very nasty incompatibilities with others. Does it make me (worth) any less? No, at least not to me it doesn’t. Will it be more helpful to others? It sure will, since I now can stop “bugging” them with whatever I cannot do to my full potential, or better yet maybe I can to my full potential, but to whatever it is the other needs (or doesn’t need at all).

This last bit about doing things to my full potential, as in to the best of my capabilities, is a very important factor in this story. It shows that I accept myself as not being perfect and with it, it’s okay I do not want to just improve everything for the sake of improving, not doing myself any favors at all.

Me having said (written) this, I want to leave you all with a big, radiant smile, meant to warm your heart(s). Remember it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being good enough for yourself!



Masters of our own destiny

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We are the masters of our own destiny – or Are we?

Lots of quotes can nowadays be found, telling us we can explain anything we’d like to. But question is: “Can we?”

Let’s start with the reason behind these quotes. Nowadays we are more aware of the possibilities we actually have. We are no longer “victim” or “puppet” from experiences from the past and/or our surroundings. We are able to break free from any routines we happen to have get stuck in, we just need to be aware we can actually do so and know how to.

Recently I was in a discussion having to do with “free will” and if we actually have “free will”. One of the reasonings behind this had to do with the limitations we have because of physical reasons and/or our experiences from the past. Personally I wasn’t too thrilled with how this was discussed, since it gave the impression that once we get to experience something, we cannot shake loose from it and I do not believe this to be true. Even more so, I would say we can break away from the past, if we get the appropriate help to get us moving in the right direction.

This being said, there are also a lot of people who will never make the attempt to change anything and simply say things cannot be changed, since circumstances cannot be changed or the people themselves do not have the energy (anymore) to make any change. These are the people which have basically given in to their fate, being unfair and unchangeable, making them destined for everything but happiness and fortune.

In the discussion the example was mentioned of the few people who actually were physically hurt and managed to accomplish their dreams anyway, like for instance being able to walk again after having become paralyzed. If we were take this example a bit further we see that a number of people who are stuck in the most difficult of situations (for instance because of physical limitations) are the most determined to get everything out of life possible, whereas people who basically are able to accomplish (almost) anything, when setting their mind to it, do not.

Question is what the difference in mentality and mindset is between the two kinds of people. What does one decide to get everything out of life, even when physically restricted or mentally “damaged” (I’m talking about having had certain difficult experiences in life here), while others who have not had much to deal with, throw in the towel when they see the tiniest of obstacles?

The most influencing factor would probably be the surroundings and what they have been taught growing up about potential possibilities. When one has learned they will never be able to accomplish anything, one might not be able to think otherwise, until someone wakes them up good/hard enough. This person might even be more at ease feeling there are no other possibilities, than to have to get moving and push him- or herself into the wheels of motion, leading up to possible change.

The lack of willingness to change also seems to apply to those who have not been raised disbelieving in themselves. These people may not have ever been around people who went that extra mile to accomplish something, but they also have not been programmed to disbelief in themselves. Still they will not make the effort to challenge themselves into improving themselves and/or their circumstances.

One can now ask the question: “Why would people be comfortable being in a situation they actually do not want to be in?” Or better yet: “Why would people remain in a situation they are anything but comfortable about?” Could it be that most/a lot of people are actually more comfortable with staying in a “familiar” situation as opposed to taking the effort of changing anything? Basically what’s being suggested here is that a situation which is known, even when uncomfortable, is to be preferred over changing circumstances, even if this could lead to a definite improvement.

Reading this, one could immediately get to talk about “the lack of guarantees”, as an answer to why not change, when the circumstances are anything but ideal. The more optimistic person, with drive, would probably answer: “This may be so, but it can only get better from now on. And what’s there to loose by taking a chance?” The answer to that could be “loss of energy”, actually meaning: “Being confronted with any trouble having to do with making an effort”. Most people are rather in their comfort zone of “nothingness”, then having to deal with new situations, new decisions and having to think about their own actions and with it their own responsibilities, when it comes to making choices in life.

Does the lack of change and feeling limited actually have to do with past experiences or could it be this has to do with the “lack” of past experiences? The reason for asking this, is that it’s these people who have experienced a number of things, are the ones who are willing to give it their “all”, just to improve their life somewhat. It seems that once people have experienced difficult situations they are more likely to do “whatever it takes” (note I’m not talking about hurting others or influencing them in a negative manner), to make a difference in their own or someone else’s life.

So if I were to ask you which “group” you belong to, what would you say? Would you rather stay in your “known comfort zone”, however uncomfortable this actually might be, in comparison of taking life into your own hands? Or are you one of those people who indeed get “excited” by the mere thought that we just might be able to be(come) “the masters of our own universe”? If you are part of the last group, you might want to read on and take some mental notes.

One of the most powerful things one can do, is to experience in the mind what it is like to be in the new (wished for) situation. It may not even be obvious what this new situation could be, it’s about knowing that change somehow is possible and the current situation does not have to be a permanent one. If this image or visualization brings feelings of excitement and/or happiness, this is a good indicator it might be time to start changing your life, however small this change might be.

Once you decide to makes changes and get to experience the benefits and/or positive effects, this can give you the confidence and boost to make another change, maybe in the same, perhaps in another area. The changes themselves may not have to be that significant, but the fact that “change is possible”, is. And all these changes combined can make for a bigger change ever thought possible.

When I started this piece I asked the question whether or not “we are the master of our destiny”? I would like to respond: “We are more then we give ourselves credit for”. The choice to make a change, or better yet to have the guts to (try and) make a change, is ours to make. And yes, there will always be limitations of some sort, some big, others small, but don’t ever let this stop you from experiencing in your mind, what you would like your (possible) future to be like. Even when it won’t ever happen, it will give you the energy and the drive to make changes in your current life, leading up to your life being better than it was before or better yet, ever thought possible before.

I’d like to end this story with a final quote from the previously mentioned discussion on “free will”: “To make truly free choices, we’d need to be starting with a clean slate for each decision. That, of course, is impossible.” This may be true, but the effects of any event(s), how worse it/they may have been, can be limited to a certain degree. The emotions may not be taken away entirely, nor any physical effects, but the way to deal with these emotions and the choice to let them affect you for the remainder of your life, are something which most certainly can be influenced and dealt with.

Depending on the effort you are willing to put into things, you can start by making small changes, taking tiny steps, leading eventually up to bigger steps. And although these steps may never let up to that one big dream or goal, just being busy with the journey leading up this goal, is already worthwhile of every small step or battle. After all, this will support you to no longer be the victim to what ever it is ever happened to you before and even better, making sure this will never ever happen to you (having this influence) ever again.


Being dyslectic

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For a while now I’ve wanted to write a piece on being dyslectic. There are many forms of dyslexia and I’m lucky enough to only have (what I call) a minor form of dyslexia. Most people do not know I’m dyslectic at all, especially since I love to write and I also do this a lot.

I guess I have a number of advantages when it comes to writing. At primary school a lot of attention was being paid to spelling. As a result the rules for spelling are always in the back of my mind. Next I detect most of my strange spelling whenever I can read along with whatever it is I’m writing. When actually writing using a pen, I detect phonetic written words straight away, however I won’t see it when I’m missing out on words or syllables. When it is a motorist dysfunction I switch letters and I know and see I’m doing this, but for some reason I cannot stop the change in order. This might happen once, it can also happen systematically.

When typing I make continuous errors. Fortunately for me we have auto correctors. They are extremely helpful when switching the order of letters or when missing out on syllables. Unfortunately they do not know show me missing certain words in a sentence or when having written the word with the same pronunciation, but with a different meaning.

This also happens when we’re talking numbers. I can remember most numbers, however I have trouble recollecting the right order, especially when it’s a new or rarely used number. This can be a bit tricky when it comes to telephone numbers, codes etc. Then there is the problem of adding zeros. So my biggest problem is not the adding up or the multiplying but is most certainly is “guessing” the number of zeros at the end.

Then there is the pronunciation itself. Every once in a while – especially when it comes to unfamiliar words – I cannot seem to pronounce certain words. They take me a longer period of time to get them pronounced correctly and sometimes I have to ask others to help me here.

Everything listed above is inconvenient, but it’s not as inconvenient when it comes to actually reading. Now here’s the fun part. When it comes to reading novels or stories which have a great storyline, I can read really quickly. What I’m doing is actually picking out certain words, combining these words and making up a picture in my mind. Now this is where the problem begins. Cause when I have to deal with text without a direct reference or with a number of important words or concepts, I’m very likely to get stuck. I can read a sentence 10 times and still have no clue what it is all about. Imagine a whole paragraph or even worse a chapter. When it comes to studying this usually means I have a challenge on my hands.

In order to deal with reading text with hardly any storylines or examples I can do two things. Both are time consuming, but compared to repeating one sentence over and over and over again it’s probably time diminishing. The first thing is rewriting the text using bullets or better yet arrows. The second option is to listen to an audio book. Combining the both would consist of someone talking about the subject while taking notes. That would be the best option.

The reason I’m talking about this subject is not so much for me, as it is for the people in my nearby surroundings, especially one of my little nephews. He’s dyslectic as well and being born in this area of computers he has a big disadvantage compared to me. I had to write all words – in a very slow pace – over and over again, without any spellings checkers. Nowadays kids are used to being corrected by computers and are using abbreviations constantly. This makes it harder to actually write by hand and notice any mistakes.

Schools are still not fully equipped for children who are dyslectic. It’s important to understand what these children have difficulty with and what they are good at. Let’s start with that most dyslectic people think in images, hence my ability to read novels very quickly only reading a few words per page. They also can make certain connections really quickly, also being the result of thinking in images, instead of thinking in words/sentences. Because of this ability they do not notice errors in spelling very quickly, nor do they when missing out on letters or words.

What does help is telling them about the concept behind the text and learning them to analyze the text, so they can understand what’s important and what detail is. If you are a parent or teacher you can help by reading the text out loud and when possible recording it. Using a voice recorder in class can be a major help when it comes to understanding the content of a subject, so instead or rereading this, it can be listened to again.

There are a number of variations when it comes to dyslexia. The most important thing to remember is it’s related to people who think in images, rather then sentences. In this piece I’ve come up with a number of examples, based on my own experiences. If you have children which are dyslectic, think about this article so you can get to understand them and thus help them out the best way possible.


A little joke

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A little joke – Being called “Leatherboy”

Every once in a while, I like to joke around a little, as opposed to the more serious side of my work. I also do so regularly with my clients, after having had serious talks about stuff which needed being sorted out. Since most of my clients are returning customers I know them quite well and almost always the atmosphere is really relaxed in my practice. So, every once in a while it’s time to make things a bit less serious and most of the time this happens when the people are lying on my massage table.

One of the advantages of being both a masseuse and a counselor, is I get to coach people when giving massages. This can lead to the most interesting conversations. People also like to know a little bit about me and since I mostly have a good time when working on my clients, I get a little “tongue in cheek”.

When giving clients a massage it’s not only to simply relax, some of them have really tense muscles, especially when it comes to the shoulder area. Depending on the degree of the muscles being pliable (or not) the clients will feel a lot or hardly anything at all. The rule is the worse things are, the less they feel. Whenever the muscles become more pliable the pain will intensify. Now I’m not a person, who likes to have people suffer, but there are moments the clients prefer that I just get on with it and they accept it might be rather uncomfortable (to say the least). So I basically give them a choice, less pain, but then it will take a bit longer, or just push through the knots and be over and done with it.

Since I’m a female and not a very big one, most people are surprised to find out there is some power hidden behind my appearance. Especially since my upper arms are always covered in sleeves. Hardly anyone knows I’ve been training for a short while with some bodybuilders. So when I do get to push through those knots using all my bodyweight (which is more than most people expect) they are anything but amused. But then the fun begins. Right at that moment they start to accuse me of liking what I do best at that moment, inflicting pain and not feeling sorry about this.

I might need to explain this just a little bit. Whenever I push through those knots I apologize for the pain I might be causing. Please note that not everyone experiences it as painful. This varies per person, and not only per person, but also per shoulder. I’ve got a client who hates me for working on his right shoulder, so it’s almost always forbidden to do so, whereas he loves me for working on his left shoulder, making movement possible. He also hates me the first few hours the next day, since he’s all sore and then loves me since he can move freely again.

So I’ve got these clients who I apologize to and then they look at me (if that’s possible) and next they say “No, you don’t.” At first this made me think for a little while and then I got to agree I didn’t. Not so much because of me liking to inflict others pain, but simply ‘cause it needs to be done in order to be able to move again. Besides, this also enlightens the “suffering” for the client somewhat and if that’s what they need, then who I am to stop them from having some fun during these though times?

Now you might understand where this is leading to. After being accused of “liking” this, we get to the subject of me getting paid for making them suffer. I usually say this with a smile, saying something like… “Yes people think they come for a relaxing massage but while lying on the table they get to understand they’ve misinterpreted the meaning of SM as in Sport Massage. It’s a well hidden secret.”

To make things a bit worse I also get to relate to a nickname I once got being “Leatherboy”. This name is based on my last name, the first part being spelled differently and the second part more sounding like “boy” than like “girl”. I got this nickname when teaching a dozen or more guys who were known to be the toughest students to teach. They talked loud, but were actually the sweetest guys when you got to know them better and once you’d earned their respect. These guys also saw me as this little girl, till I started to talk. My appearance seemed to change and suddenly I was standing there “tall”, telling them about what they needed to know. To their surprise I actually knew what I was talking about and even more so, I was also very passionate about it. I’ll never forget them. They gave me a standing ovation afterwards and next I was the only one allowed to ever teach them and their colleagues.

If you combine this with this being my workout (instead of going to the gym, like I used to in the past, till I noticed I could stay away for months and still push away more then before), because of all the hard work I have while massaging, you might get a very interesting picture: “People paying me to do my work out, while in a meanwhile feeling like they’ve entered the wrong place, which was supposed to be relaxing or so they were told…”

The reason I’m telling you all of this has to do with me responding to a thread while being in a bit of a bold mood and I simply posted this statement:

Let’s call this one of the secret pleasures in life…

I got a nickname I got years ago from a bunch of guys after having had them in my “class” for two days. They gave me a standing ovation later calling me Leatherboy. As you may know I also give massages and when I tell you they make up for my work out in the gym, you might know something else which makes me smile. And then getting paid for something called Sport Massage :-) . BTW I do apologize but for some reason the guys never believe me…”

The first friend I showed it to, loved reading this. So she said, yes you can sure post it. It’ll show people a different side from you. The next friend who got to read it, said he was a bit shocked and not amused at all. It wasn’t till I explained the whole story, starting by this being actually a little joke, that he could appreciate the story. He also advised me to share it, combined with some more information. This friend usually refers to me as being very sweet, so this image was anything but understandable to him.

After having written this story, I do sincerely hope no one stays away from my practice because of any possible painful experiences. I like to exaggerate a little, so do my clients, so if you happen to drop by, please don’t worry. Just know that when it comes to relaxing massages, I most of the time give “in-depth” massages with a relaxing “touch” to it, leaving you able to move around ten years younger again (or just maybe a little less).


Sessie Leadership Counselling – Gesprek met een “streng deel”.

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Gesprek met een “streng deel”


Recentelijk had ik een bijzondere sessie met een cliënt. Deze cliënt komt sinds enige tijd bij mij en eens in de zoveel tijd doe ik een sessie met hem waarbij ik hem help een verborgen, onderliggend overlevingsmechanisme naar boven te halen en aan te passen. Soms doe ik dit per telefoon, soms face to face.

We kwamen in het gesprek op het onderwerp “hard zijn voor jezelf”. In dit geval is de cliënt altijd hard voor zichzelf. Dit hoorde bij hem, al meer dan 50 jaar. Ik vroeg hem hoe hij dit deel van zichzelf noemde. “Zijn strenge deel”. Vervolgens ben ik met dit “strenge deel” van de cliënt in gesprek gegaan. Dit deel gaf aan “dat hij het maar niets vond wat de cliënt tot nu toe voor elkaar had gekregen. Hij moest harder zijn voor zichzelf”. Mijn vraag was “sinds wanneer dit deel dit al had gevonden”? Na enig navragen bleek dat te zijn “sinds de kleuterjaren”.

“Wat was er toen gebeurd?” “Hij had geen aansluiting gevonden bij de anderen”. “En wat had dit “strenge deel” toen tegen hem aangehouden?” “Dat hij nog beter zijn best moest doen”. “En had dat geholpen?” “Nee. Dat was niet het geval”. “Dus wat zag hij als de oplossing?” “Nog steeds harder zijn best doen”. Dit deel leek daar zeer stellig in en niet vanaf te brengen. Feitelijk was er sprake van een vicieuze cirkel, ook al werd dit op dat moment niet zo benoemd, maar wel gevoeld door de cliënt.

Op dat moment besloot ik het over een andere boeg te gooien. “Hoe gaat dit deel om met andere mensen die hun best deden en waarbij het niet lukt?” “Met coulance, zelfs met begrip. Met uitzondering van die mensen die totaal niet hun best doen en alleen maar wat beloven”. “En hoe gaat hij om met mensen – zoals zichzelf – die wel hun best doen?” “Daar is hij mild voor”. “En hoe gaan anderen met dit soort personen om?” “De meesten mild, anderen helpen zo’n persoon en weer anderen brengen zo’n persoon in diskrediet”. “Wat zou dit deel doen, als hij zou zien dat zo’n persoon in diskrediet wordt gebracht?” “Helpen en uitleggen aan de anderen dat dit niet terecht is. De persoon heeft immers zijn of haar best gedaan”. “Hoe komt het dan dat dit “strenge deel” dit niet voor zichzelf doet?”

Het strenge deel gaf daarop het eerdere antwoord “dat hij dan maar beter zijn best moest doen”. Opnieuw vroeg ik “of dit had gewerkt”. “Nee”. “Dus hij vond dat hij beter zijn best moest doen, maar het werkte niet? Klopte dat?” “Ja”. “Terwijl hij bij anderen wel meehielp?” “Ja”. Vraag was daarmee “waarom hij zichzelf boycotte”? “Anderen helpt hij toch ook?” “Dat was zo”. “Dus zouden er mogelijkheden zijn om zichzelf te helpen?” “Ja. Met streng zijn”. “Is dat dan ook zo met de anderen?” “Nee”. Ik ging weer terug en herhaalde alles wat er was gezegd. Op dat moment vroeg ik hem of het ook anders kon. Namelijk zichzelf te helpen met iets wat werkte. Dat leek een goede optie. Voorzichtig begon ik tegen hem over “zichzelf in zijn kracht zetten”. Wat daarop volgde was opmerkelijk. Het deel beweerde “dat hij dat niet kon”.

Vervolgens ben ik ingegaan op deze onmogelijkheid. Ik heb het nog wat erger gemaakt. Ben begonnen over dat als dit zo’n hardwerkend deel is, dit antwoord wel erg treurig is. Hierop ging dit “strenge deel” héél zielig doen. Daar heb ik dit deel op aangesproken. “Dit is geen helpen en ook niet hard werken”. Dat sprak het deel aan. Op dat moment heb ik gevraagd “of hij zichzelf kon steunen”? “Ja, dat kan”. “Hoe voelt dat?” “Fijn. Hij werd er “blij” van”. Van “blij” kwamen we vervolgens op “trots”. “Dit voelt beter. Dit is naar zijn mening een hele stap vooruit”. De vraag werd daarmee van mij aan dit strenge deel “hoe het zou zijn om zichzelf te steunen met een gevoel van trots”? “Dat voelt goed”. Op dat moment kon ik ook de verandering voelen en kwamen er emoties los bij de cliënt. Ik vroeg de cliënt hierop “hoe dit te verankeren is”? “Middels de woorden “overweldigend en fijn””. Zo had de cliënt zich gevoeld op dat moment en daarmee kon hij dit gevoel ook weer oproepen.

Wat daarna gebeurde was prachtig. Langzaamaan begon de cliënt zichzelf complimentjes te geven, zodat hij zich trots kon voelen. Van zichzelf “afvallen” was hij veranderd in iemand die “zichzelf de moeite waard” vindt.

Het is nu enige tijd later en de cliënt geeft aan dat hij het niet altijd even makkelijk vindt, maar dat hij zichzelf nog steeds complimenten geeft. De vicieuze cirkel is doorbroken en aangepast. De cliënt straft zichzelf niet langer meer, maar helpt zichzelf nu waar het kan. Het mooie van dit “strenge deel” is, dat het een “hardwerkend” deel is geworden. Het is nu echter een hardwerkend deel dat zichzelf het “trotse deel” noemt!



Bewustwordingsavond met thema regressiecounselling

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Impressie van een bewustwordingsavond

Recentelijk ben ik bij een groep van 9 mensen geweest waarmee ik tegelijk een sessie regressiecounselling heb uitgevoerd.

De avond had tot doel de mensen met iets meer weg te laten gaan dan ze waren gekomen. De meerwaarde had betrekking op een stukje groei en daarmee ook op aangeraakt worden.

Daarnaast wilde ik de mensen laten kennismaken met de kracht van het onderbewuste en het spirituele en daarmee vooral hoe – dat wat mensen nodig hebben – bij ze terecht komt, als ze er voor open staan.

Vooraf was ik nog even aan het brainstormen over wat ik precies wilde doen en terwijl ik dit deed stond ik onder een appelboom. Dat was heel significant, daar de persoon met wie ik dit besprak aanwezig was tijdens een cursus waarbij ik verhaal vertelde over een appel. Specifiek besprak ik hoe een appel voor groei kan staan. Een appel kan mooi glad zijn, maar zuur van binnen. Een appel kan gebutst zijn, maar daarmee nog steeds erg lekker. De appel heeft een en ander meegemaakt, maar het kan het eindresultaat – de appeltaart volledig op smaak brengen. Deze appeltjes bleken dan ook te worden gebruikt voor de appeltaart!

Als regressie counsellor werk ik met het onderbewuste en met het spirituele (het ongeziene). Het onderbewuste is dat deel van de hersenen waarmee we niet direct in contact staan en waar we als gevolg daarvan niet direct informatie uit kunnen halen. We krijgen bijvoorbeeld informatie hieruit als we dromen in de vorm van symboliek.

Ik had besloten om me deze avond te laten verrassen en het enige wat ik (gepland) had meegenomen waren 11 lege kaarten en enveloppen plus 4 pakjes kleurpotloden. Het aantal was me vooraf onduidelijk, later bleek dit meerdere doelen te dienen. Daarnaast staat het getal 11 voor transformatie, het doel van de avond.

Als eerste ben ik met alle deelnemers in de meditatie gegaan. Daarbij liet ik ze contact maken met hun lijf, te beginnen met de voeten en eindigend met het hoofd. Door dit te doen, liet ik ze de aandacht richten op zichzelf en hun gevoel, waarmee het bewuste deel tot stilstand werd gemaand.

Toen men volledig ontspannen was heb ik ze gevraagd, om het 1e woord waar ze aan dachten op te schrijven met het 1e kleurtje dat voorhanden was.

Daarna vroeg ik ze de kaart door te geven aan hun buurvrouw. Verwarring alom. Wat ik hierbij deed was gebruik maken van het aspect dat wat nodig is op de juiste manier bij de persoon terecht komt. Vervolgens vroeg ik de persoon de kaart te voelen en te bekijken. Wat roept de kaart op? Waar ben je het mee eens? Wat wil je versterken? Wat wil je aanpassen? Gebruik de kleurtjes die je wil en pas het aan.

Vervolgens vroeg ik ze opnieuw de kaart door te geven. Nog meer verbazing. En weer vroeg ik ze de kaart te voelen en aan te passen.

Toen iedereen tevreden was vroeg ik of men de kaarten in de enveloppen wilde doen en ze bij mij wilden inleveren. Wederom verbazing. De kaarten werden door mij gehusseld en vervolgens op de tafel uitgespreid. Hierna kon ieder – op gevoel – een kaart trekken.

Er waren 11 kaarten en 9 deelnemers. Dat betekende dat er 2 blanco kaarten tussen zaten. Aan het einde van de trekking bleven er 2 kaarten over. Eentje was blanco, de ander bleek voor mij bedoeld. Dit betekende dat één deelnemer een blanco kaart had gekregen.

Vervolgens vroeg ik iedereen naar hun eigen (getrokken) kaart te kijken. Bij sommigen mensen was er herkenning, bij anderen verwarring en sommigen wisten niet wat te denken. Vervolgens ging ik ze stuk voor stuk af, terwijl de anderen aan het luisteren waren. Ik ging met ze in gesprek en stelde vragen die ze bij de diepere lagen van hun bewustzijn brachten. Wat doet dit met je? Wat zie je als je je omdraait? Wat mis je?

Een van de deelnemers had de blanco kaart gekregen. Dit geeft aan dat alles open ligt en je kunt kiezen wat je wilt. Zij zag angst en werd met deze angst geconfronteerd. We zijn doorgegaan op deze beelden die nu omhoog kwamen uit het onbewuste. Zij realiseerde zich dat zij zelf de koers kon bepalen, nadat ze eerst besloot de angst overboord te gooien. Dit raakte haar diep. Vervolgens vroeg ik haar om de kaart in te vullen met die dingen die haar zouden kunnen helpen om haar eigen plan te trekken. Dat ging ze doen.

Een andere deelnemer wilde graag een partner. Op de kaart stond dan ook bovenaan als eerste het woord “liefde”. Hieronder stonden de woorden “dolfijn” en “vrijheid”. Het onbewust werkt zoals gezegd met symbolen. Dit geldt ook voor de spirituele wereld. Dolfijnen zijn zeer bedreven in communicatie. Daarnaast zijn zij één van de weinige diersoorten die echt liefhebben. De ultieme relatie bestaat uit een goede, wederzijdse communicatie waarbij men elkaar hoort en waarbij men zich kan uiten en zichzelf kan zijn. Dat laatste heeft alles te maken met de vrijheid. De vrijheid om te kunnen groeien en te zijn wie je bent en dit ook te kunnen tonen naar de buitenwereld toe. Deze boodschap werd wel begrepen. Ook deze kaart werd verder aangepast door de betreffende deelnemer.

Zo ging ik de verschillende deelnemers af. Sommigen voelden zich bevestigd in wat ze deden, anderen waren heel geëmotioneerd, maar hadden wel handvatten ontvangen om hiermee te werken. Tot slot deed ik een evaluatierondje.

Een persoon bleek meer nodig te hebben. Zij zag de wereld wat “grijs”. Zij geloofde feitelijk niet dat het haar ook kon meezitten. Samen zijn we teruggegaan naar het moment dat ze nog speels en onbezorgd was. Toen ze bij dit beeld kwam en dit gevoel kon oproepen vroeg ik haar dit gevoel vast te houden. Wat kon ze doen om dit te verankeren? Wat kon ze tegen zichzelf zeggen? Hierop is er een affirmatie gecreëerd. Een affirmatie is een zin die je regelmatig herhaalt om een bepaald doel te bewerkstelligen. Het geeft focus en richting, waardoor er nieuwe dingen kunnen ontstaan. Deze affirmatie heeft ze op de kaart geschreven, waarop ik haar heb gevraag elke dag even de kaart te voelen om naar het gevoel van onbezorgdheid terug te gaan.

Alles bij elkaar was dit een mooie eerste kennismaking met regressie counselling. Ieder kreeg wat ze nodig hadden en kwamen bij overtuigingen uit waar ze zich meestal niet, maar soms ook wel bewust van waren. Alle overtuigingen eindigen in een positieve overtuiging waar kracht uit gehaald kon worden.

Dat het ongeziene ook een rol speelde, bleek uit het feit dat niemand zijn eigen kaart zelf had gemaakt. Er hadden drie mensen aan ieders kaart gewerkt, voordat deze bij de juiste persoon terecht was gekomen. Pas toen was de kaart door de persoon zelf aangepast.

Voor iedereen die meer weer wil weten over het trance-communication deel van Lesley, zie


Gedicht de Vlinder

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Gedicht geschreven tijdens Chikara’s Dream Circle

De vlinder

Floreren is wat een vlinder als geen ander kan. Hoog in de lucht, tussen de struiken, boven de bloemen, toont de vlinder zijn pracht en praal. Fel gekleurd vliegt hij vol van vertrouwen, zijn doel tegemoet.

De strijd die hij heeft geleverd om vlinder te worden, is op geen enkele manier te zien. Geen teken van verdriet, geen teken van gemis. Alleen vertrouwen. Vertrouwen in de lucht, in de bloemen, in de regen, in het leven.

Zonder gedachten, vliegt de vlinder de juiste route. Hij kijkt niet achterom en is er alleen in het nu, het enige moment dat hij heeft. De vlinder is een solist, veel alleen, maar nooit eenzaam.

Hij ís het leven en daarom nooit eenzaam. Hij biedt geen weerstand aan de natuurkrachten maar laat zich meenemen met de stroom. Met de zon op zijn vleugels, straalt de vlinder nog meer.

Copyright Chikara C&C 2012

Voor de volledige versie (er is ook een deel 2) zie “de vlinder“.






In je kracht komen, ontspanning, balans en/of rust vinden!

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Bij Chikara C&C begeleiden we een ieder die toe is aan verandering. Dit kan zijn door rust en ontspanning te brengen in je lijf, hoofd en/of in je leven, maar ook door uitdagingen aan te gaan, dan wel bepaalde aspecten in je leven onder de loep te nemen, zoals werk, carrière, sport en/of je privéleven.

Wij doen dit door gebruik te maken van een aantal technieken:

  • Coachingsgesprekken (specifiek achterhalen van mindsets);
  • Counsellingsgesprekken (inclusief regressiecounselling);
  • Massage (op het gebied van specifieke blessures, maar ook ter ontspanning);
  • Oefeningen (ter ondersteuning van spanning in het lijf en/of in het hoofd);
  • Energetische behandelingen (ter ontspanning en om bepaalde blokkades te achterhalen en/of weg te nemen.

Samen kijken we naar je gewoonten en eventuele overlevingsmechanismen (mindsets). We kijken waar blokkades zitten op fysiek, mentaal en/of energetisch gebied en kijken hoe we deze het beste kunnen doorbreken. Dit helpt bijvoorbeeld bij:

  • Leren functioneren in een nieuwe omgeving (privé, dan wel op het werk);
  • Rust in je hoofd en/of in je leven.

Afhankelijk van jouw wensen en wat je nodig hebt, kun je komen voor een ontspannende behandeling, maar ook voor een traject waarbij we aan een bepaald onderwerp werken.

Kortom, ben jij toe aan ontspanning, dan wel een veranderingen in je leven(sgewoonten)? Neem dan contact met ons op en maak een afspraak, dan gaan we samen kijken wat je nodig hebt en hierin voorzien!

Wil jij graag een persoonlijke afspraak of ervaar je liever groepsdynamica?

Je kunt bij ons terecht voor losse sessies, trajecten, bewustwordingsavonden, meditatieavonden, workshops en/of trainingen.

Wil je meer weten en/of een afspraak maken, kijk dan rond op de website of neem contact op via:


Tot ziens bij Chikara C&C!


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