Categotry Archives: Leadership Counselling

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Van Voornemens Dromen tot Veranderingen Doen

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Categories: Leadership Counselling, Workshops, Workshops, Tags: , ,

Heb jij (ooit) voornemens (gehad)? Heb je er (nog) over nagedacht rond de jaarwisseling? Dan heb je vast en zeker gemerkt dat het een grote uitdaging is om van Voornemens tot Veranderen te komen. Beiden vereisen Dromen. Doen is een heel ander verhaal.

Heb jij voornemens die je (nu toch eens) graag zou willen uitvoeren en/of meer willen weten hierover?

Kom dan zondag 31 januari naar de lezing in sprekersruimte 2 om 14.00u of in het weekend van 30 en 31 januari naar stand Q13 (tussen lezing en workshopruimte).

Locatie: Broodfabriek, Volmerlaan 12 te Rijswijk.

Voor wie korting wil is de volgende kortingscode te gebruiken: CHIKARACC2016PA. Deze is in te voeren wanneer tickets worden besteld via www.paranormaalalternatief.nl.

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Transformation

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Categories: Blog, Coaching & Couselling, Leadership Counselling, Tags: ,

TreefrogThis week was about having a struggle, wondering if I would have to give up on some of my dreams (including principles) or not. This weekend it all seemed to be combining when going to a seminar on internet marketing. It was called “Leap frogging” but the actual theme was about “Transformation”. The funny thing was that I’d been promised another transformation in my life the week before, so if this means this is telling for what the future might hold, things look promising to me.

Let’s start with a remark/observation which had been made. The Secret sounds nice, so does visualization, but it leaves out one important clue. Without the proper action, things won’t take off. The good news was I got to realize I’d already been working steadily on my dreams the last couple of years. It’s not the way I had expected things to run their course, but one way or another, things have been developing and I have been building a solid foundation for my practice, even when other people were inclined to show me differently.

Now it’s up to me to get that focus back on my dream(s), by taking a look at what I’ve achieved so far and see how I can use this. And this is what I’ve been doing lately and especially this weekend, continuing this very moment. The key factor here is “time” and I’ve become aware that one of the people, who somehow has started to play a very important part in my life, already pointed this out to me. Time is limited and should be spend wisely. Translated it would mean that every time we spend time on certain things, it should lead to something productive/useful.

The (public) commitment I made was to make a planning today, having to do with my business. At the course a certain expression was used, being the focus of a “shrimp” (thanx Eelco ;-)). Please forget about the “shrimp”. The term is merely used to keep remembering what it’s all about and it’s about doing multiple things at the same time and not achieving anything at all as a result. That’s how things work – up there – in my mind, if I do not control them and tell myself to do the important stuff. With everything I’ve done up till now, certain things may be achieved rather sooner than later, if I push through now.

So here it is again, the focus to keep on living my dream. If I’m going to let go off this focus in the next few days, I can forget about everything I’ve done up till now and life will be a complete disaster, so no, let’s not. Let’s keep that focus no matter what. The good thing is that with this part of the dream being realized, others will be able to be realized as well. There will be more time available to work for instance on project ESP or on something similar.

I’ve come to understand lately that maybe I should not just focus on this being the only option to get things proven, but just maybe there are other options as well. This makes me realize that what I got taught a year ago is proven to be very true. It’s not so much about the “how” but about the end result. When it comes to project ESP, this means proving (some of) the metaphysical (aspects) is (are) real. For my dreams it means this bit, but also being able to go on what I got to enjoy so much in life. Doing what I am good at.

Last year several people each tried to get to me to focus on different things. It was confusing to say the least. This had to do with the “how”. I am a person who’ll never just stick to one thing. I’ve never done so, even when working for a boss, I always had multiple roles, wherever I showed up. It seems it’s no different when it comes to what I’m doing now and each direction seems to be developing in its own pace. Whereas I’d expected the coaching to go into a certain direction, it seems to be going there, but the route is wondrous, to say the least. The most important clients are being picked up at the spiritual fair and they are the business people I like to interact with mostly.

Taking a look at the massage, I can tell you I never set out to do anything with this. It was the result of me wanting to be able to “feel” the muscles in the human body, instead of knowing all about them just from theory and doing exercises. Still the massage was what started my practice and all else followed. Being a therapist has never been based on the massage, this is based on working with the energy and even while having a license based on this field of expertise, I always said I wanted to remain “down to earth” and not be seen as the “woo” person, which is the direct result of that same field of expertise. As a coach I can get people to face reality, yet I work with that same energy and with mediations and visualizations. So somehow it all seems to mingle.

The focus however is not about realizing one specific aspect, while forgetting all else, my dream has to do with combining all of it, each at different levels. This can be done and the terminology is called “building”, ONE layer at a time. So focussing is still very important. Everything can be done, if done in the right order, which means I have to careful with this one thing which seems to evaporate very quickly, being time.

Combining focus with mindsets in order to accomplish this transformation, needed to keep on living my dream(s), it’s about using my knowledge on mindsets, meditation and affirmations, plus a lot of other stuff, like writing blog posts, to get the massage course going. I want people to know it’s something I got to develop and now is the time to make this happen.

The most amazing part while writing this, is realizing how everything just seems to interact. The writing of blog posts, leading up to articles. The exercises leading up to mind discipline. Setting up this website and meanwhile getting to practice a number of important aspects, all having to with internet (marketing). And now all comes back to this theme called “transformation”, combined with mindsets. It’s about showing others that what I say I stand for, I not only talk about, but in actuality practice. Whoa, that sounds like a lot, as in a huge responsibility. Then again, I believe we get what we can handle, so let’s see if I can live up to what I’ve said I wanted to do most and can do the best, being “living my dream”.

 

*Picture is courtesy of squidoo.com/cutefrogs

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Responsibility

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Categories: Blog, Coaching & Couselling, Leadership Counselling, Tags: , ,

This week was about one specific theme: “responsibility”. All week long it has been about taking responsibility, being able to take responsibility, and especially about taking responsibility when you are in the position of management.

At some moment you may have chosen to be in a management position. Whereas there are many roles having “manager” in the name, it doesn’t necessarily always involve managing people. It does involve the responsibility with being called a “manager”, which means “no hiding”, “no taking things for granted” and “questioning things whenever necessary”.

There can be a number of reasons why people do not do so, varying from “being afraid to tattletale”, to “not knowing what’s expected and listen to the first person who does tell them something, to “thinking things will have way of working out regardless whether they demand this or not”.

It doesn’t matter what the reason is, whenever you decide to step up to this role or level you need to take certain responsibilities. Being scared is not one of those trades, neither is being vague. If you don’t know, ask. Don’t ever get told that others made assumptions about you knowing things, while you in fact do not know. Instead make sure you do know what the other wants.

Is this simple? No, it’s not. Is it logical? It should be. So if you are a manager (whether seeing yourself as one or actually being one), can you say what’s keeping you from performing the way you are supposed to? You are supposed to streamline, most certainly where others can’t, get answers from others, even when do not want to give you any, and demand things from others, especially when they do not seem to be taking you seriously.

When you do not get those answers, or people do not seem to listen to you, you might wonder what’s wrong. Are you that manager you are supposed to be? Do others perceive you to be that manager you think you are? Do you live up to the status of being that manager you are supposed to be, that you (most likely) can be?

If you don’t, it’s time for a change. Either you step up to the plate, or you take a step back. The choice is ultimately yours. Whatever you choose, do so with your eyes wide open and know it’s always your own responsibility whatever you decide to do.

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Stepping up to the plate

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Categories: Blog, Coaching & Couselling, Leadership Counselling, Tags: ,

For some time now I’ve been coaching someone on management level and today the subject was about “stepping up to the plate”. The biggest difference between coaching management and non-management is the way managers can be addressed and how quick they are ready to “really listen” and act upon what they’ve come to realize. Often there’s more at stake, so all the more reason to change what they’ve become aware of. The common nominator has to do with insecurity as result of changes. Even when working at a high level for a longer period of time, once in a new environment, roles change and become unclear and with this their attitude can change beyond recognition. They suddenly act like non-management, accepting everything that’s required from them to do. Question is whether this is wished for, or not.

All of us have certain skills. A number of people prefer to do whatever has been asked, no more, no less. Then there are those who are very creative and think out of the box. Others are helpful and / or not afraid of taking responsibility. A limited amount of people have the ability to take a step back and see what is already happening and then there are those who can see what is likely to happen, if certain routes will be continued. Take the latter groups who have the ability to “spot” things and combine this with taking responsibility and there is the question of whether or not someone dares to “step up the plate”.

Communication is a difficult subject. Not only do we have to deal with communication at work, but also within our private life. Remarkable is that any issues having to do with communication at work are also recognizable in personal relationships. Coaching management therefore is not only about coaching them at work, but also about how to deal with others in their private lives.

When someone has the ability to spot things others do not, one can argue whether or not they have the responsibility to do something with this skill. Would you be prepared to tell others what you’ve become aware of and, by telling them, support them in the possibility of making changes or would you just leave things the way they are? This question probably is best answered by looking at numerous aspects, starting with “do you feel this to be “justified” ”? If you were to address certain observations, would this feel like you are being a “tattletale” or would this be in the best interest of – say – the company? Is the way you are “exposing” the observations done in a way that is hurtful? Or can you tell in such a way that it’s not to be taken “personally”, won’t have any negative consequences for the people involved and will be beneficial to “all” in the long run?

If we are dealing with people who are not able or not eager to express their thoughts, communication can become very hard all of a sudden. Especially if there are a bunch of people who are not capable of or willing to do so. Would you like to have something changed, because you see it won’t work in the long run, it might be up to you to say it out loud.

Question next becomes if you have the courage to speak up. You might know what it is you want to say, but you simply may not dare to, not knowing whether it would be appreciated or not. By looking at the different possibilities of expressing what it is you want and comparing these to possible outcomes, an overview can be created, helping you decide what would be best for you and others involved. If you are certain the outcome will be positive, the next step is about taking action. Which leads us to the question: Would you be willing to “step up the plate”?

The client, I got to coach, realized that after “becoming aware”, action may be required, but in such a way, this will be acceptable for both him and his surroundings. He is already redefining his role and with it his responsibilities and actions. He’s going to do what he did best, before he changed environments. He’s going to be this observer, gather data and present this to his management-colleagues, accompanied by possible solutions.

When I started out this piece, I was talking about skills and I asked the question, whether or not someone could and would be willing to “step up the plate”. Possible insecurities were discussed, combined with personal thoughts and ethics. One thing got left out. What if you are able to take the next step, but you simply do not “want” to do so? You might want to consider if you are one of those people who has that rare ability to view things for what they are worth. If so, what would it cost you to act on it? What if it were to be beneficial to you? This willingness to look at things from this perspective and the ability to deal with this is what separates the “true managers” from the others. They have what it takes to take that extra mile, stepping up to the plate.

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Masters of our own destiny

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Categories: Blog, Changing beliefs systems, Coaching & Couselling, Leadership Counselling, Tags: ,

We are the masters of our own destiny – or Are we?

Lots of quotes can nowadays be found, telling us we can explain anything we’d like to. But question is: “Can we?”

Let’s start with the reason behind these quotes. Nowadays we are more aware of the possibilities we actually have. We are no longer “victim” or “puppet” from experiences from the past and/or our surroundings. We are able to break free from any routines we happen to have get stuck in, we just need to be aware we can actually do so and know how to.

Recently I was in a discussion having to do with “free will” and if we actually have “free will”. One of the reasonings behind this had to do with the limitations we have because of physical reasons and/or our experiences from the past. Personally I wasn’t too thrilled with how this was discussed, since it gave the impression that once we get to experience something, we cannot shake loose from it and I do not believe this to be true. Even more so, I would say we can break away from the past, if we get the appropriate help to get us moving in the right direction.

This being said, there are also a lot of people who will never make the attempt to change anything and simply say things cannot be changed, since circumstances cannot be changed or the people themselves do not have the energy (anymore) to make any change. These are the people which have basically given in to their fate, being unfair and unchangeable, making them destined for everything but happiness and fortune.

In the discussion the example was mentioned of the few people who actually were physically hurt and managed to accomplish their dreams anyway, like for instance being able to walk again after having become paralyzed. If we were take this example a bit further we see that a number of people who are stuck in the most difficult of situations (for instance because of physical limitations) are the most determined to get everything out of life possible, whereas people who basically are able to accomplish (almost) anything, when setting their mind to it, do not.

Question is what the difference in mentality and mindset is between the two kinds of people. What does one decide to get everything out of life, even when physically restricted or mentally “damaged” (I’m talking about having had certain difficult experiences in life here), while others who have not had much to deal with, throw in the towel when they see the tiniest of obstacles?

The most influencing factor would probably be the surroundings and what they have been taught growing up about potential possibilities. When one has learned they will never be able to accomplish anything, one might not be able to think otherwise, until someone wakes them up good/hard enough. This person might even be more at ease feeling there are no other possibilities, than to have to get moving and push him- or herself into the wheels of motion, leading up to possible change.

The lack of willingness to change also seems to apply to those who have not been raised disbelieving in themselves. These people may not have ever been around people who went that extra mile to accomplish something, but they also have not been programmed to disbelief in themselves. Still they will not make the effort to challenge themselves into improving themselves and/or their circumstances.

One can now ask the question: “Why would people be comfortable being in a situation they actually do not want to be in?” Or better yet: “Why would people remain in a situation they are anything but comfortable about?” Could it be that most/a lot of people are actually more comfortable with staying in a “familiar” situation as opposed to taking the effort of changing anything? Basically what’s being suggested here is that a situation which is known, even when uncomfortable, is to be preferred over changing circumstances, even if this could lead to a definite improvement.

Reading this, one could immediately get to talk about “the lack of guarantees”, as an answer to why not change, when the circumstances are anything but ideal. The more optimistic person, with drive, would probably answer: “This may be so, but it can only get better from now on. And what’s there to loose by taking a chance?” The answer to that could be “loss of energy”, actually meaning: “Being confronted with any trouble having to do with making an effort”. Most people are rather in their comfort zone of “nothingness”, then having to deal with new situations, new decisions and having to think about their own actions and with it their own responsibilities, when it comes to making choices in life.

Does the lack of change and feeling limited actually have to do with past experiences or could it be this has to do with the “lack” of past experiences? The reason for asking this, is that it’s these people who have experienced a number of things, are the ones who are willing to give it their “all”, just to improve their life somewhat. It seems that once people have experienced difficult situations they are more likely to do “whatever it takes” (note I’m not talking about hurting others or influencing them in a negative manner), to make a difference in their own or someone else’s life.

So if I were to ask you which “group” you belong to, what would you say? Would you rather stay in your “known comfort zone”, however uncomfortable this actually might be, in comparison of taking life into your own hands? Or are you one of those people who indeed get “excited” by the mere thought that we just might be able to be(come) “the masters of our own universe”? If you are part of the last group, you might want to read on and take some mental notes.

One of the most powerful things one can do, is to experience in the mind what it is like to be in the new (wished for) situation. It may not even be obvious what this new situation could be, it’s about knowing that change somehow is possible and the current situation does not have to be a permanent one. If this image or visualization brings feelings of excitement and/or happiness, this is a good indicator it might be time to start changing your life, however small this change might be.

Once you decide to makes changes and get to experience the benefits and/or positive effects, this can give you the confidence and boost to make another change, maybe in the same, perhaps in another area. The changes themselves may not have to be that significant, but the fact that “change is possible”, is. And all these changes combined can make for a bigger change ever thought possible.

When I started this piece I asked the question whether or not “we are the master of our destiny”? I would like to respond: “We are more then we give ourselves credit for”. The choice to make a change, or better yet to have the guts to (try and) make a change, is ours to make. And yes, there will always be limitations of some sort, some big, others small, but don’t ever let this stop you from experiencing in your mind, what you would like your (possible) future to be like. Even when it won’t ever happen, it will give you the energy and the drive to make changes in your current life, leading up to your life being better than it was before or better yet, ever thought possible before.

I’d like to end this story with a final quote from the previously mentioned discussion on “free will”: “To make truly free choices, we’d need to be starting with a clean slate for each decision. That, of course, is impossible.” This may be true, but the effects of any event(s), how worse it/they may have been, can be limited to a certain degree. The emotions may not be taken away entirely, nor any physical effects, but the way to deal with these emotions and the choice to let them affect you for the remainder of your life, are something which most certainly can be influenced and dealt with.

Depending on the effort you are willing to put into things, you can start by making small changes, taking tiny steps, leading eventually up to bigger steps. And although these steps may never let up to that one big dream or goal, just being busy with the journey leading up this goal, is already worthwhile of every small step or battle. After all, this will support you to no longer be the victim to what ever it is ever happened to you before and even better, making sure this will never ever happen to you (having this influence) ever again.

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Sessie Leadership Counselling – Gesprek met een “streng deel”.

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Categories: Blog, Leadership Counselling, Tags: ,

 

Gesprek met een “streng deel”

 

Recentelijk had ik een bijzondere sessie met een cliënt. Deze cliënt komt sinds enige tijd bij mij en eens in de zoveel tijd doe ik een sessie met hem waarbij ik hem help een verborgen, onderliggend overlevingsmechanisme naar boven te halen en aan te passen. Soms doe ik dit per telefoon, soms face to face.

We kwamen in het gesprek op het onderwerp “hard zijn voor jezelf”. In dit geval is de cliënt altijd hard voor zichzelf. Dit hoorde bij hem, al meer dan 50 jaar. Ik vroeg hem hoe hij dit deel van zichzelf noemde. “Zijn strenge deel”. Vervolgens ben ik met dit “strenge deel” van de cliënt in gesprek gegaan. Dit deel gaf aan “dat hij het maar niets vond wat de cliënt tot nu toe voor elkaar had gekregen. Hij moest harder zijn voor zichzelf”. Mijn vraag was “sinds wanneer dit deel dit al had gevonden”? Na enig navragen bleek dat te zijn “sinds de kleuterjaren”.

“Wat was er toen gebeurd?” “Hij had geen aansluiting gevonden bij de anderen”. “En wat had dit “strenge deel” toen tegen hem aangehouden?” “Dat hij nog beter zijn best moest doen”. “En had dat geholpen?” “Nee. Dat was niet het geval”. “Dus wat zag hij als de oplossing?” “Nog steeds harder zijn best doen”. Dit deel leek daar zeer stellig in en niet vanaf te brengen. Feitelijk was er sprake van een vicieuze cirkel, ook al werd dit op dat moment niet zo benoemd, maar wel gevoeld door de cliënt.

Op dat moment besloot ik het over een andere boeg te gooien. “Hoe gaat dit deel om met andere mensen die hun best deden en waarbij het niet lukt?” “Met coulance, zelfs met begrip. Met uitzondering van die mensen die totaal niet hun best doen en alleen maar wat beloven”. “En hoe gaat hij om met mensen – zoals zichzelf – die wel hun best doen?” “Daar is hij mild voor”. “En hoe gaan anderen met dit soort personen om?” “De meesten mild, anderen helpen zo’n persoon en weer anderen brengen zo’n persoon in diskrediet”. “Wat zou dit deel doen, als hij zou zien dat zo’n persoon in diskrediet wordt gebracht?” “Helpen en uitleggen aan de anderen dat dit niet terecht is. De persoon heeft immers zijn of haar best gedaan”. “Hoe komt het dan dat dit “strenge deel” dit niet voor zichzelf doet?”

Het strenge deel gaf daarop het eerdere antwoord “dat hij dan maar beter zijn best moest doen”. Opnieuw vroeg ik “of dit had gewerkt”. “Nee”. “Dus hij vond dat hij beter zijn best moest doen, maar het werkte niet? Klopte dat?” “Ja”. “Terwijl hij bij anderen wel meehielp?” “Ja”. Vraag was daarmee “waarom hij zichzelf boycotte”? “Anderen helpt hij toch ook?” “Dat was zo”. “Dus zouden er mogelijkheden zijn om zichzelf te helpen?” “Ja. Met streng zijn”. “Is dat dan ook zo met de anderen?” “Nee”. Ik ging weer terug en herhaalde alles wat er was gezegd. Op dat moment vroeg ik hem of het ook anders kon. Namelijk zichzelf te helpen met iets wat werkte. Dat leek een goede optie. Voorzichtig begon ik tegen hem over “zichzelf in zijn kracht zetten”. Wat daarop volgde was opmerkelijk. Het deel beweerde “dat hij dat niet kon”.

Vervolgens ben ik ingegaan op deze onmogelijkheid. Ik heb het nog wat erger gemaakt. Ben begonnen over dat als dit zo’n hardwerkend deel is, dit antwoord wel erg treurig is. Hierop ging dit “strenge deel” héél zielig doen. Daar heb ik dit deel op aangesproken. “Dit is geen helpen en ook niet hard werken”. Dat sprak het deel aan. Op dat moment heb ik gevraagd “of hij zichzelf kon steunen”? “Ja, dat kan”. “Hoe voelt dat?” “Fijn. Hij werd er “blij” van”. Van “blij” kwamen we vervolgens op “trots”. “Dit voelt beter. Dit is naar zijn mening een hele stap vooruit”. De vraag werd daarmee van mij aan dit strenge deel “hoe het zou zijn om zichzelf te steunen met een gevoel van trots”? “Dat voelt goed”. Op dat moment kon ik ook de verandering voelen en kwamen er emoties los bij de cliënt. Ik vroeg de cliënt hierop “hoe dit te verankeren is”? “Middels de woorden “overweldigend en fijn””. Zo had de cliënt zich gevoeld op dat moment en daarmee kon hij dit gevoel ook weer oproepen.

Wat daarna gebeurde was prachtig. Langzaamaan begon de cliënt zichzelf complimentjes te geven, zodat hij zich trots kon voelen. Van zichzelf “afvallen” was hij veranderd in iemand die “zichzelf de moeite waard” vindt.

Het is nu enige tijd later en de cliënt geeft aan dat hij het niet altijd even makkelijk vindt, maar dat hij zichzelf nog steeds complimenten geeft. De vicieuze cirkel is doorbroken en aangepast. De cliënt straft zichzelf niet langer meer, maar helpt zichzelf nu waar het kan. Het mooie van dit “strenge deel” is, dat het een “hardwerkend” deel is geworden. Het is nu echter een hardwerkend deel dat zichzelf het “trotse deel” noemt!